Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
