okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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