I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize