The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
