Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
