question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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