there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize