I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
