planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
