Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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