I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
