You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
