Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm too high and old for this...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
