I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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