I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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