Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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