You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
