vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize