My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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