glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
