I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
