1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
