I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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