You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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