He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
