GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
