I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
