The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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