I think I am morally bankrupt
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
