I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
