I didn't shave. On purpose
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
