ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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