We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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