First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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