You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
