Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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