How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
