That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
