I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
