Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
