why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize