did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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