Don't you send me to vm
grandma shit on top of the toilet
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
