Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
