just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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