and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
