His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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