he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
