she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
