I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
