dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
