One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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