i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
