You're my little dorito
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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