Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
