FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
