Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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