this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
