When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
