Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Well I just put wine in my tea
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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