I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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