I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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