Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
