We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Randomize
