Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
