Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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