this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
this beer tastes like vomit already
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
