the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
