i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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