i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
