I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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