Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My liver is preforming stress tests.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
