I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
