i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
